You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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