I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
