I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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