She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
