he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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