just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
