he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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