why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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