i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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