I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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