I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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