trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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