So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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