Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
