im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
