I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
