i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Randomize
