i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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