guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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