You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
