and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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