I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
