i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
