So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
