used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
