Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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