You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
