Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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