Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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