Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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