i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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