good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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