Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
