I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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