So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
