Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
