Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
