your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
