Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
