he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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