I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
