Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
