i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
