At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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