just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
