you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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