dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
