My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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