we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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