you didnt know i had herpes?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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