you would pick up someone in the library
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
