If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
