If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
