were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
