Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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