They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
