ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
