i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
