I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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