Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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