If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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