I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
