somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
