Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so much tequila, so little girl.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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