He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
